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My SOTP

Sex Offender Treatment Program

By Donald Wirkey

The treatment that I received was from [...] , located in the U.S.A. The treatment was conducted in a clinical services, under the name Sex Offender Treatment Program.

The clinical services department was a part of the brig separate from the dormitories that the general population of prisoner lived in. The psychologists that worked there were contracted by the government as civilians, but generally earned their degrees in the civilian sector and even run their own practices. There are approximately 5 staff psychologists in that department for all rehabilitative services to include drug treatment, anger management, sex offender treatment, larceny treatment, and alcohol anonymous (AA). So they generalized in about everything when it came to their clinical work. 

They also had military enlisted personnel who served as social workers to assist the psychologists. Generally, they did secretarial work and assisted in providing basic coordination of the group treatments so to enforce the rules and regulations. Generally, there was a psychiatrist that would appear every month to issue medication or to visit prisoners who needed counseling.

The scheduling of the treatment program went like this

Sex offender education course: 
approximately 6 weeks long and is a prerequisite for SOTP.

Sex offender treatment program: 
approximately 26 months long, separated into 
8 quarters, 3 months per quarter with 2 week break in-between. 

Seminar: 
approximately 16 months long, ran in conjunction with SOTP, but 
only 5 quarters in length. 

Maintenance: 
approximately from completion of SOTP till subsequent release 
into the community, this is a post treatment program that is continuous.

The time of treatment was variable. There were 4 groups (A,B,C,D) split between the 2 dorms (A+B, C+D). Depending on the dorm and the group is when your time schedule was known. But generally the treatment program would go in cycles in which everyone had their own program and would pick up into the next quarter. 

Please study the accompanied description

Bob: finished s.o. education (6 weeks), picks up into S.O.T.P group D for "his" first quarter in January 01, 2000. He will complete first quarter at the end of March and pick up in "his" second quarter at the beginning of April. He will pick up with Seminar in his second quarter as well. So he'll finish his second quarter of S.O.T.P and Seminar - then the third quarter - then the fourth - then the fifth - then the sixth. He will complete Seminar, but will continue on in his seventh quarter S.O.T.P.- and then his eighth. Congradulations he completed S.O.T.P and now he'll be in maintenance till he is released.

Now at the same time Bob comes into group consisting of 8 other members - the 8 other members are at different quarters in their progression to completing S.O.T.P and other programs. They are more "advanced" then Bob so can offer him good feedback and assist him in his homework.

The actual time schedule would be the following

S.O. Eduction: 
3 times a week; for about 2 hours each; in a super group of about 20-30 prisoners; class like structure.

S.O.T.P: 
3 times a week; for about 1 hours each; in a circular group of about 8-9 prisoners; group structure for presentation and feedback.

Seminar: 
once a week; for about 1 hour; class of like 16 prisoners; prisoners give educational presentations.

Maintenance: 
once a week; for about 1 hours; 20 prisoners; in circular group; to talk about stuff.

Now the setup of how meetings were conducted

S.O. education

To include all prisoner's with an associated sex offending crime. We would meet in a classroom like setting for one of the newer psychologist to teach us from a singular book on sex and sexuality. In this book would be the study of relationships, consent, sex anatomy, legal 
terminology, and basic sexual understanding for the introductory stage of S.O.T.P. Mainly this is the beginning of the treatment phase, where they will teach you everything you need to know about the basics of sex and sexuality.

*Just a note:
All sexuality and sex books that they provided us for learning was produced by that department of the navy treatment services under the mandating of the U.S. Government. Literally these were like photocopies of pre-typed pages from psychologists that actually worked in the treatment department under contract with the U.S. Government. There were little to no other material that we referenced or learned from. In effect, these were specialized for the treatment specifically.

S.O.T.P. 

This was to include all sex offenders who completed S.O. education. These meetings were conducted in a group circle. There would be 8-9 prisoners, 1 psychologist, 1 social worker in every meeting. 1 prisoner would be a group leader, and another would keep journal logs of the 
meetings. 

The group leader would coordinate the timing and subject of the meeting (not to say that there is already a preset way the meetings are always conducted). The journal logging consists of keeping record of who was present at the meeting, who gave their presentations, the timing of these events, and a little detail of every event. 

A normal routine to the week would be the first day of group would be individual notes on how the week went, if you jacked off, what did you use to repress "deviant thoughts", past deviant behaviors "i.e. masturbating to a picture of Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen", what your goals for the week are, and any problems. 

The next two group meetings are with presentation/feedback; presentations come from individual "quarter" assignments that the prisoner will prepare and read out to the group for about 15 minutes (or) to the digression of the group leader. Then the group will give feedback on the presentation, by either asking further questions, correcting the member, or giving advice about personal experience. 

Oh yeah, at the beginning of the first quarter of the new member, as part of review for the older members and to acquaint the new member there are preliminary rules such as; confidentiality, not to take things personally, don't interrupt, treat each other respectfully, don't give specific details of past criminal acts, be honest, follow rules and regs of the brig, etc. 

Now the homework assignments were to be done on your personal time back in the dorm. We were required to work during the day so we did have a little time to either use an Internet-free computer to type them out or to hand write them out for presentation. Generally, it was required that you show your AP (Accountability Partner), which was another prisoner who was much senior to you in group to review your work and to be there to talk to when you had problems. This was a weekly requirement for S.O.T.P., but I'll go into more detail later on in this report.

The Seminar

This was a five quarter once a week meeting that took place in conjunction to S.O.T.P, meaning that in addition to attending the S.O.T.P. meetings three times, usually on a Thursday we'd also have to do a seminar. 

Seminar was a combination of all 4 groups for those who were in their 2nd through 6th quarter of S.O.T.P. Now this was cyclical too, but to solve any problems each quarter had a major subject making a grand total of 5 subjects that we learned during the entire Seminar. 

Like I'd pick up in Seminar "Relationships", then "Victim Awareness", then "blah", then "blah", then finally "blah" where I'll be officially done with seminar and starting my 7th quarter S.O.T.P.

At the beginning of every quarter of seminar; you'd pair up with another person to present the week you choose to present a chapter from the book provided that you read for homework. You also turn in a written homework to be examined by the psychologists and returned. Usually when you were done presenting the chapter you read, there would be questions, and then you'd be dismissed to get a pass back to your dorm.

Maintenance

This is generally the most relaxed and anticipated part of the S.O.T.P., because after completing all the other bullshit this was an indicator that you were usually on your way out the door considering that the Miramar Brig was for those sentenced at "most" 7 years. This was a group 
consisting of all members who had completed S.O.T.P., Seminar, and sex education. Generally, we'd just give a brief synopsis of our week and maybe casually give a presentation (or) do a project that the psychologist would set up.

To conclude this would mean that you'd have to be discharged from the prison. 

My ecperience

Now don't get me wrong here, I liked some of the psychologists and group members who shared in the struggle of Sex Offender Treatment, but it is another ballgame from what the true "pedophilic reality" is. Yet, I'm sure that there can be some incorporation into each other, but it's the governmental stance vs. what they call a distorted fantasy version of pedophilia (mental disorder). 

To get through this stuff I really really really had to present myself under a complete different system of thought, feeling, and behavior. It is sort of unreal that I was able to do it and then slowly be converting as of now to the responsible pedophile (child lover) that I'm learning to be on the boards, but it's hard to practice that when I'm both a sex offender and an oppressed pedophile.

So to continue here is where I'll start getting into some details about the content of everything I went through; I have over (3) 5" binders that are packed with my work. I'm serious with this information you could get a complete understanding of how the U.S. government ideology is as well as in respect of my pedophilic history. Just these don't really consist of my "true" thoughts, feelings, and behavior as a pedophile in my life - I could probably fill binders endlessly, but this is just a critical example of my disbelief that I made it through the program.

I'm going to take you through the sequence of the material that I had to do and at what point in my treatment I did it

Naval Consolidated Brig; Sex Offender Education Course, 

120 pages - 1st handout book - remember what I said about these above/ produced specially by this department, the following were the things addressed in this S.O Eduction lasting 6 weeks. 

 Foreword - how to get the most out of this course. 

1. Introduction to sex offender education course 

a. Classroom expectations and behavioral contract 

b. Goals and objectives 

c. Introduction to sex offender treatment 

2. Community notification and registration part 1 

3. The nature of sexual behavior 

4. Healthy sexuality 

5. Sexuality and consent 

6. Interpersonal boundaries 

7. Spectrum of abuse - part 1 

8. Spectrum of abuse -part 2, 

9. Victim awareness 

10. Cognitive distortions/thinking errors 

11. Community notification and registration part 2 

12. Relapse prevention - overview 

13. Relapse prevention - behavior chains 

14. Relapse prevention - the cycle of abuse 

15. Relapse prevention - decision matrix 

16. Spirituality 

17. Negotiation skills 

18. Communication skills 

19. Society's response to sexual violence 

20. Pulling it all together - closing thoughts.

This was the beginning of the treatment officially. At this point I'd be waiting to get picked up into a S.O.T.P. group which would dictate the schedule and people I'll be with for the next few years.

The SOTP

This part of S.O.T.P consisted of 

layouts (presented weekly on the first day for all quarters), 

various homework assignments that we would have to present for the quarters, and then 

extra curricular assignments that were mandatory.

Layouts

These consisted of 

long-layout presented the first day of quarter, and 

short-layout presented every subsequent week there after. 

The long layout had this outline: 

week date, 

group i.d. 
(to keep anonymity in dorms if you loose work), 

first name, 

quarter, 

actual offense(s) 
(this required us to be truthful, but not in detail), 

red flag 
(a feeling that would "trigger" you to possibly act out deviantly), 

how did you deal with it?, 

how you would act out on it in the past?, 

sexual activity for the week 
(to include arousals, masturbations, fantasies, objectifications, mental or physical arousals, and thoughts), 

past deviant behavior
 (just an additional offense or high-risk behavior like voyeur, molest, rape, porno, sud's, etc), 

goals for this week, 

were goals for last week accomplished?, 

challenges 
(other members raising notice to inappropriate behavior during the week), 

blocks to treatment 
(daydreaming, not listening, distorting feedback, procrastination, feeling bad, etc), 

any tactics to avoid change 
(rationalization, judgmental, religiosity, intellectualization, justifying, denial). 

Now the short-layout 
consisted of all above, but with out your offenses. These "lay-outs" were to be presented on the first day of every week of the quarter. We'd go around the whole circle reading out our layouts and taking notes for feedback. 

Then at the end we all will give feedback to each other one at a time. Feedback is generally used to correct each other, to give suggestions that were proactive not reactive. In the middle of the group we'd have some tissue for the emotional moments and cards with words (distortion, rationalization, religiosity, etc, etc.) that we could grab to have priority at discretion of the group leader. 

The journalist keeps notes on everyone's presentation. 
Those notes are kept for reference at the time, but later shredded (at least I hope). But  apparently the psychologist I'm cool with stated that he fights giving away personal records to jurisdictions and there is barely any records except what prisoners complete in their treatment.

Now the various assignments that we do throughout the quarters go as follows 

I will only list the main title then to go into complete detail about them - just for time constraints. 

Autobiography; 
basically a 120 questionnaire of your past that will help the group to become more familiar with you and you'll become more familiar to yourself.
 

Intro treatment sec 2, 3, 5; 
a set of assignments that ask you about your basic sexual knowledge, and information of basic treatment information.
 

Discovery report; 
a set of questions that ask you about your confining offenses as well as how you feel about them. 
 

Incentives; 
you must list 40 incentives and give a reason why these would keep you from re-offending in the future.
 

Problem list; 
you must list 40 problems and how they are problems if you were to re-offend and not get caught 
(ex. I'd lose family association because I'd be busy molesting children that I can't spend that time with my family as well as I'll become distanced from them.) 
 

Thought by thought; 
this is a "detailed" out 180 thoughts in approximately 30 minutes prior to your sex offense - this is to help you illustrate and identify your thinking patterns prior to offense- planning. 
 

Victim reminders; 
you have to list 40 things that your victim would remember you by in the future 
(such as my victim will be reminded of my offense when he smells Cool Water Cologne because I wore that when I molested him). 
 

Index cards; 
these are 40 cards with distortions, rationalizations, justifications, victims stances, etc that you'd use in your offending. 
Everyone takes a card and you are to respond to them by saying wrong, that's a distortion (ex. God made me this way so it's alright to molest children... wrong, religiosity, molesting children is harmful and hurts them for life). 
 

Empathy paper; 
this is to be written in a form of a letter - by you but from your victim to you - illustrating the pain he could be feeling from you victimizing him as well as other shit happening in his life that is going wrong as a result.
 

Re-offense essay; 
this is a story that you write out of your past offense and what you would do differently to prevent you from acting out on such things in the future. 
 

Forty adults; 
this is the forty adults that you'll have in your "support network" when your released. Your support network is your close friends, family, or associates that will support you in living a re-offense life - who'll preferably turn you in if you did re-offend, or steer you to rightful behavior if your getting close to a child. 
 

Offense questionnaire; 
this goes into detail about all your past offenses, great detail for the group to understand your motivations, actions, thoughts, etc. from all angles. 
 

Outlets; 
this assignment takes a whole quarter to completely present. 
Generally the doctors will assign you specifically what you have to do it on; like child pornography, voyeurism, exhibitionism; mainly the categories of past deviant behavior. You have to type a two page presentation on this behavior in past, present and future circumstances in all aspects of how it relates to you and is problematic as well as how you'll handle this in the future. 
 

Offending impact on other areas in my life; 
this here is another quarter long work that you must write a page report on how the entirety of your offenses affected your life. 
(Ex. how did my offending impact my social life; past, present, future?)
 

Questions victims ask; 
(this one is weird) this one you have another group member help you by asking questions that your victim would ask you in futuristic situations; you have to answer him/her without revictimizing them, you have to be honest and politically correct in order to do so. 
(ex. Why did you molest me? I molested you for my selfish reasons to satisfy my 
own pleasure.) 
 

Controls; 
these are a list of 40 things that you can use to keep from re-offending; generally on all questions in your presentations have to be in essay form so that it'll fill the 15 minutes. You have to be aware of what your saying or prepare for negative feedback that could also inhibit your chances of moving up in quarters or completing assignments without a re-do. 
 

Relapse prevention; 
this is a complete synopsis of your plans when you leave the prison system and what possibly could be high risk to you and other significant things. You must composite ways to prevent this stuff from happening or to avoid it. 
 

Chapter 17 assignments; 
these are related to focusing on your thoughts, feelings, and behavior prior to your offenses. 
 

Chapter 18 assignments; 
these are in reference to reading material that you received from earlier and also with your journals 
(see extracurricular assignments below). 
 

Grooming behavioral indicators, criminal thinking distortions, and desinhibitors; 
now these are approximately 200 past/present/future essays that you must do in a quarter - lots of information - detail oriented information - but I've got to say I had nightmares over these. 
 

Ideal fantasy; 
this is an appropriate fantasy (adult, consensual, etc) of a romantic relationship that you can masturbate to for reinforcing "appropriate" fantasy content. 
 

Ideal offense fantasy 'blizzard ultimate'; 
in contrast this is the ultimate inappropriate victimization fantasy that you'd have, but you don't masturbate to it. 
This is to give you an idea of your "victim pool" and why you selected your victims as you did. This is for your personally more then anything, but your group can get an idea of your attraction AoA, etc. coping skills game: this is a scenario that the group presents to you in situation format to see what your reaction would be when put into high-risk 
situations. 
(ex. your at home and a boy comes to your front door asking to come inside to get out of the rain --- then you reply; I tell him that I can't have him inside and direct him to my neighbor.) 
 

Survival plan; 
this is a big project, but can be presented in two sessions. 
It covers everything that you can profile about yourself, your future plans, what you seek in a relationship- work- life- etc. 
 

Exit examination; 
this is done in maintenance or S.O.T.P. depending on when your leaving, but is a general overview of everything you've learned in treatment.

Now I forgot to tell you about 

the order of presenting that we do. 

For those two days in the week we present we go by numbers that we draw at the beginning of every quarter. Such as 2 will go after 1, 3 after 2, if someone is absent then we skip to the next- this gives an understanding of when things are due to be presented. 

All the assignments are above are assigned specifically in certain quarters as you progress through the treatment program, but by the end of the treatment you should be completely done with all assignments though you can be slow in your presentations where you overlap quarters or you may have re-do's. 

The autobiography and details about offense as well as intro to treatment are assigned in the first quarter to give the group a good understanding of your past, your knowledge, and your offenses.

The extracurricular assignments

Now the extracurricular assignments are unusual. Here's a description of each. 

Plethysmograph - 
this is given in between your first and second quarter of S.O.T.P. this is to gage your arousal patterns to coercive or persuasive or the aggressive situations with different pictures of people of different ages. Generally, the content is pictures from the 80's, a scratchy voice that sounds unattractive makes the voice applications. They attach a band 
around your penis that can detect the slightest arousal and it will register on the computer. 
I have to state what you believe (percentage) of arousal your in. You also have to take one when you in your eighth quarter. 
 

Polygraph - 
this is to determine if your telling the truth about all your past sexual acts or deviances. Generally it is a question/ answer- yes/no. 
If they detect that you are lying then you have the chance to being placed on probation in sex offender treatment - generally speaking you will do journaling for the group until you pass it next. 
Kinda idiotic, but people generally pass the second polygraph because the guy really doesn't test them, but asks if there's anything they want to add to the record- we don't 
self-incriminate in this as we don't need to give specific details. 
 

Both the results from the plethysmograph and polygraph we have to present with the group, but we are unable to keep them for our personal records. The S.O.T.P. department keeps them, and I'm not familiar with what they do with them. I'm planning on calling them in the next year to find out what records they still may have of mine and see about expulsing them from the clinical services department. 
 

Personal Journals - 
in conjunction with the first three quarters we have to keep daily journals of three events that happened during the day. To include: events, body sensations, thoughts, feelings, fantasy, and planning. 
These were turned in weekly to be reviewed, recorded, and returned by the psychologists. The point of this was so that we'd be in touch with our thoughts, feelings, and behavior in how they relate to each other in effecting how we offend against society. 
 

AP Contact sheets - 
our AP is called an accountability partner. An AP is someone assigned to you in the brig that will guide you through the treatment progress, review your work, and a person you could talk to primarily about any problems. 
The assignment was that we needed to turn in a weekly record of his initials with mine and what we talked about, x3 for that week. This in a sense was to prepare you for release. In that assignment "40 adults" that I stated above, this was to play into this - your support network - for your release. 
I found it to be a super crock of bullshit, especially once I got out. I do have people I talk to, but most others in the therapy would quickly get signatures at the end of the week 
without any contacts. We were more in tune with fantasy football then the contacts at that.

Now the following are experimental, 

but all were provided to the general S.O.T.P individuals in hope of restructuring the mental attraction (arousal) to children. The book was called 'managing deviant sexual behavior';
masturbatory reconditioning/ verbal satiation.

This phase of the clinical services book meant that we had to audio record ourselves masturbating to a pre-approved appropriate fantasy, then at the point of ejaculation (15 minutes) then we were to say a one-liner deviant fantasy we had over and over and over again till we were flat out tired of it. 
Each tape would be about an hour, 15 minutes to masturbate, maybe another 15-20 minutes verbal satiation of deviant fantasy, and another 15-20 minutes of verbal satiation of deviant fantasy. We had to do one tape a week 20 times. The point of this is that we reinforce appropriate fantasy to sexual pleasure, while after the orgasm (downer time) we bore ourselves to death with deviant fantasy thus pairing it with negativity. 
 

Covert sensitization; 
this one meant for us to read off a deviant fantasy in detail, but at the breaking point of committing an offense, at the state of pleasure, we are to cut in with 3 scenarios that would negatively impact us. 
We did this one tape a week for 10 weeks. 
I'll give a brief example: I'm at my cousins party (generally this would be longer), my 10-year-old cousin Karylyne came up to me and sat on my lap, I kept on watching t.v. but 
couldn't help wondering what it would be like to feel her vagina, oh'man she would scream with pleasure/ break/ all of a sudden SWAT police come into my living room and punch me and hall me off to jail with my relatives there watching ... etc, etc. Again the negative pairing. 
 

Olfactory aversion; 
this one probably the most controversial included ammonia capsules giving it the name 'ammonia aversion' despite olfactory. Yet we were to make a deviant scenario that we'd engage in to the point of offending, like covert sensitization. At the point of re-offending we break the ammonia capsule and sniff it real quick after a slight re-offense, this will make you cry, feel like shit, coughing, etc, etc. Depending on how you sniff it, but you are to do this 10 associations in a session where you sniff ammonia (the broken ammonia capsule is kept in a small bottle). This allows you to sniff it at strength during the session. This is done 10 weeks once per week. 
Again all the above audio tapes are recorded, reviewed and returned with suggestions, advice, feedback, grade on how your performance was. We are required to present one audio tape of each different phase above to our group during whatever quarter we do these in. Generally the quarters these are done are the 3rd-7th.

Now the Seminar portion of the treatment, 

where we meet once a week during quarters 2-6. Seminar is a way for us to look at 5 issues more in depth outside the S.O.T.P. portion of the treatment. These five things were 

"relationship skills," 

"cognitive restructuring," 

"victim awareness," 

"relapse prevention," and 

"sexuality." 

These are exactly as they say and I'll try to give a quick synopsis of each. 

relationship skills: 
this one spoke about mainly how two consensual adults are to be capable for a sexual relationship, the factors you must consider in such a relationship, and how to make it successful. 
Generally, this spoke about the appropriate points, dating, conducting yourself responsibly, expressing your true sexuality, and to some extent how to help your partner 
understand your deviant past/ sex offenses. This really never taught anything about what pedophiles are suppose to do - even if some pedophiles may have attraction to adults still doesn't make it approximate to their concerns. 
 

Cognitive restructuring: 
this is probably the harder of them all because it spoke mainly about the distortions that sex offenders have, gets really political in nature, and probably would be of more interest to you. 
 

Victim awareness: 
addressed things of sympathy and empathy for our victims, and we would work hard to achieve this. I have to admit some of the video I saw of the after math of some shit fuckers who really want to harm children made me cry right there. If a grown man is crying then you know something is wrong. 
This was a hard part and helped me to see what they were getting at, but like in any sexuality you'll have those misguided out-of-control fucks who'll act out harmfully against the will of another. I've done it at minor stages in my life, but only till now since I found the pedophilic philosophy and community did I really start to understand my sexuality and act accordingly. 
 

Relapse prevention: 
consisted of thinking to prevent us from revictimizing children again. How would we cope with high-risk, what to do with our triggers, how to use thought-stoppers. How do you deal with society at the present day - they never did talk about the pedophilic community - but to actually avoid them because they could influence me to re-offend -  shows how little they know this community. 
 

Sexuality: 
now this spoke about everything you ever wanted to know down into detail about human sexuality, but didn't say anything about pedophilia being a sexuality. Actually they continued to portray pedophilia in a complete negative light. There was no pedophilic history, current events, anything. 
It all related to "adult" consensual relationship and sexuality. In contrast they even thought that children had no sexuality because they are ignorant, thus they can't be sexual or even engage in sexual acts. 
I state this to give you an understanding of what they covered, but forgot to include since there are pedophiles who are sex offenders.

Lastly there is the Maintenance Phase. 

Generally this consisted of an exit examination (stated in assignments above), an informal small-layout presentation, or projects to include victim awareness, or current events related to sex offenders. 

This is taken as the best part because it is laid back, but doesn't exclude what your thoughts and behavior should be at such an advanced stage in the program. If you fuck up in anything then it is taken seriously and could cause others to become judgmental of your progress in treatment.

Case conferences

Another important factor that must be taken into consideration is that the psychologists and social workers would have 'case conferences' between each break in advancement to go over with you your progress and assignment stages. 

This is an interactive way for you to gauge your progress, but it isn't a time for you to tell them what's on your mind. Prisoner's in the program try their best to give the impression that they are making progress so that they don't have any hindrances through treatment due to other prisoners or psychologists. 

It can become difficult at any time for anyone in treatment, because there is so much dependent on each other and it's so comprehensive over a period of long time. A few prisoners struggle, some do bare minimum without struggling, some try to change but struggle, some actually change without the struggle. 

Looking back 1 - emotionally

I was thinking about my past sex offender treatment and about everything they were telling me.

I was wrong...

I made a bad decision...

I harmed many children...

I have a mental disorder...

I should never be around children without supervision...

I'm living in a distorted fantasy where children are objects of my imagination...

That any bliss in my life so far is unwarranted and sick...

That I'm accountable to my faith, no matter what religiosity may exist...

That I'm deceptive...

I am a rapist...

I groom children to take advantage of them...

I'm completely selfish thinking about my own concerns...

It's warranted that I suffer discrimination and persecution to protect children...

That I don't have self-control...

That I'm lacking in self-esteem and self-confidence...

I'm deviant from the norm...

I lack problem solving skills...

I can't handle stress properly...

I have utter disregard for human life and sexuality...

That I dwell on the negative...

That I'm playing the victim...

I try to gain others sympathy to my advantage...

That I'm psychologically sick and can never be cured...

That I'm the equivalent to a murderer...

I am immoral...

I'm a bad seed of society...

I'm like cancer that spreads to the rest of the body of society that slowly degenerates quality life...

Must I go on?

I can guarantee that there are hundreds of more things that I insightfully learned about myself being pedophilic through this treatment that is supposed to "help" me.

They don't speak about the history of pedophilia, the culture of pedophilia, ways to deal with people who oppose pedophilia, ways to cope with persecution or discrimination, ways of life that I can stand up for my rights to defend myself.

The main thing they stressed through the 3 years of treatment was how bad and sick of a person I am for being pedophilic, and how to control myself so that I would have "No more victims."

When I first got out of prison I walked around like a zombie, and every child I saw I became scared, depressed and suicidal. It reminded me of the days when I was growing up 12, 13, 14, 15,... and feeling the same way. 

Not understanding myself, feeling entirely negative about my state of being, feeling like I deserve to die. "I deserve to die." This was the clue that told me that something is wrong 
with my thinking. I had distorted thinking when I thought that as a young pedophilic teen, now I was thinking the same thing. Why? Because that was their stupid ass treatment.

I vowed at the age of 15 to become a revolutionary to fight the oppression of pedophiles and the repression of childhood sexuality. I did that because to believe otherwise would mean that I was suicidal, because my true thoughts and feelings conflicted with societies reality.

So here I am, I thought back to that time in my past and it didn't take but a fraction of time that it took me back then to figure, I'm going to give up my life to being a revolutionary.

But here's another question: Because of all the negativity that has engulfed me throughout my life being pedophilic whenever I'm around children I feel unworthy and disgusting. I get this feeling of dehumanization that flows through me like I'm an alien on a foreign planet that doesn't want anything to do with me, or would rather kill me, because I'm fucking sick in 
the head. I look at the child and think about how I wouldn't harm a fucking fly, but I'm this child's greatest threat in life.

Only after a few moments do I stabilize in my thinking and realize the monumental truth of my existence as a pedophile, the pride I should feel for being one, and how the majority of society distorts my reality to fit theirs.

Looking back 2 - rationally

I tried to change with a mediocre of difficulty throughout the treatment. I was probably the purist of pedophilia in the entire treatment, but I could identify others who were like me, but for their sake kept their opinions to their selves. Because there were non-pedophilic individuals in the treatment, I say this for those who got caught up with a child 14 and up who'd otherwise present themselves as mature adults in these guys fantasies. Plus most of these guys engaged in the act for their first or second time without much consideration of it. 

I became very insightful of everything that they were presenting and trying to get me to believe, and I have to admit that in a certain degree it made sense. But it is inconsistent with what is really real in the world. Such as children being sexual and with sexuality, children having the ability to choose if they want to learn about sexuality or engage in sex play consensually (to include adults), the pedophilia is natural in humanity and has existed throughout all of humanity with it's rich history, and that present day society is deteriorating because they are repressive and oppressive to human nature (i.e. pedophilia and child sexuality). 

Politically correct thinking

They failed to issue the human rights issues that are going on against pedophiles and they failed to recognize pedophilia other then for negativity and mental disorder based off of taboo. They generalized everything, literally, to include all sex acts against children are harmful period, that all pedophiles are dangerous and harmful to children, and that all pedophilic/child sexual acts are inappropriate and unnatural. They went even further to say that sex is a matter of capacity which only adults can agree to, such as if it were purely a binding contractual agreement that had disastrous effects if not done perfectly between people of perfect equality.

At the beginning of the program I did try to address some of my concerns so that we could discuss them, even though I was severely limited on my pedophilic knowledge and in my development at a pedophile, even know I'm still developing since I was repressed from doing so in my childhood. 

Yet, you must understand the processes they took all my conversations to avoid the subject. If I addressed something such as "well, according to you some of my victims had consented to sex, but not legally." Then then the group would look at me perplexed and hysterically because I was brave enough to address in it group, then the atmosphere would become politically correct so people gave me feedback on what the program "wanted" to hear, and the psychologists wouldn't even reason but would refer to terminology and completely illogical references to the point that I'd quit because of the idiocy of it all. In response to that I'd get like "your being distorted because children cannot be sexual because they don't know what their doing or getting their selves into." 

Distorted thinking

Then another follow up would be "if everyone in group is saying that you're distorted, then you should know that your thinking is distorted." This is where we would get off topic by referencing illogical things and terminology. I'm trying to address the issue, but they take it to a superficial level that is based off of political correctness, cognitive distortions on their part, and hysterical appellations that really have nothing in reference of what I'm talking about. 

You see what I'm saying, imagine your advanced in such a group where you have the processes down to the dime so that things go smoothly. All of a sudden a new kid comes in raising the real issues again where we all know how it's going to end. 

Brainwashing

Yeah, that's about all treatment is about - avoiding the real issues and truths, and basically focusing on 'brainwashing.' I don't like the word brainwashing, but maybe cognitive restructuring to reflect the paranoid hypocritical hysterical anti's who love violating human rights.

Alright, I'm getting off topic and it seems that my report is getting opinionated and unprofessional. So, I'm going to end with the letter of completion that my leading psychologist - the one that I can learn to respect despite our differences. 

To Whom It May Concern:

Mr. [...] participated in and completed Phase 1 of our Sex Offender Treatment Program (SOTP) from [...] to [...]. After starting the SOTP he correspondingly completed Sex Offender Education Classes from [...]  to [...]. 

The SOTP is a comprehensive, specialized cognitive-behavioral treatment program that includes physiological assessment, intensive structured group therapy, psycho-educational seminars, training in cognitive-behavioral management techniques to avoid aberrant sexual 
behavior, and relapse prevention training. 

The psycho-educational seminars include cognitive restructuring, victim impact training, cognitive and behavioral arousal reduction techniques, relationship skills, sexuality and relapse prevention training. Psychiatric consultation and assessment are also available. 

Phase 1 consists of participating in group therapy 3x weekly at 1.5 hours each and attending the psycho-educational seminars 1x weekly at 1 hour each. 

After completing 24 months of Phase 1, Mr [...] also attended Sex Offender Maintenance Group (Phase 2), which met 1x weekly at 2.0 hours. He did both Phases to allow him maximum participation in the SOTP prior to his being released on supervision (MSR). 

Mr. [...] made many positive changes in the SOTP and will continue treatment in the community. It is anticipated that the progress that he made while confined will continue while he transitions in to the community.

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